Jan's diary '24

Date	Mood	Entry
2/01/24	indifferent	For New Year's Eve I went to a party. Some of my friends were there, but I don't like them, so it was no fun. They called my other friend who I like more a tranny, and I lied and tell them I'm straight, so they don't say anything to me. I see now that I updated that my table has no lines, and I haven't how to put them in yet, so it might look somewhat confusing around here for a bit. I'm doing kind of good at the moment, I have some homework to catch up and some bad thoughts but mostly I'm okay, and I'm writing, and not a danger to myself and others now. I'm having some new medicine soon, so hopefully that will make school better. It's so hot here at the moment, I want to drop out of school sometimes because even though I know that I can do better, I don't think I will, and I don't want to. I was better when I wasn't and now I'm just here. It rained a whole ton today, and my dog was scared and he had to put on his pajamas, which look very silly because they are pink and have bunnies. My legs don't hurt so much anymore. I'm meeting with a friend on the 5th of January to bowl in my area, and maybe see the arcade in the bowling center. I'm doing lots of drawing at the moment and I think I'm doing better at it. I will post some on here. I also think I'm getting better at speaking more and clearly, which will be good at school and maybe people will not mind me so much. Also at Christmas I Got a hair Straightener, so I can straighten my bangs, and I will wear my hair untied at school, which I haven't done since I grew it out. I'm going to Grow it out long, like it was before I cut it all off. Love you Goodbye.

Date	Mood	Entry
09/01/24	stressed	Went Bowling with my friend on Friday, it was really fun. We played two games and the first one he beat me so badly that he let me win the second one, which was super nice, and then we went in the Arcade. I played the machines but didn't win anything because it kept falling. He gave me a really cute necklace of the Letter Owl from Harry Potter and then we went to a game shop and looked at the toys, then went to the park, then to the Library where I got some Books, and then to my other friends house where my Mother was. It was a really fun day. :) on Sunday he came over to my house and we played Mario Kart, Westbound, and watched some of Blade Runner, which was super fun, and I actually won some of the games which surprised me. Yesterday I hung out with someone else, one of my girl friends, and we talked a bunch, and played Fortnite, and made some Cookies which were really bad because we didn't have a recipe and sort of ran out of flour and had to use a different one. They were chocolate chip, and kind of a weird bread texture, but I liked Them. Today I was going to go somewhere but I had homework so I stayed Home, but I didn't do any Homework. I go back to school on the 1st of February, So I really need to get it done. I'm nearly done with one of the posters, but I have two more to do, and then some questions to answer. They're pretty easy but I get really stressed just looking at them, because I've thought about it too much, which is why I haven't done them. But I'll probably do some tonight, and watch Firefly, after I shower. Also I still need to download Trash because for some reason where I downloaded them from had Heart of Gold uploaded twice instead of having that episode, And I still haven't got it yet. Which sucks because I think that one has Saffron in it who I thought was really cool in her first appearance. Also I have to read Looking for Alibrandi for homework, but I'm not going to because it sounds boring. It's not about a Horse even though the title sounds like it is, it's about some Italian chick with no dad and how she goes and looks for him, which makes it stupid for me to read, 'cause I don't, even though it's set in the nineties so it's not super old like the Outsiders, which I actually kind of liked. I like most my teachers for this next year I'm to start, except my English teacher who I had once before for a term and I liked him then but I only had him for like five weeks, and I don't know if I do now. My math teacher I think is okay, and I maybe just don't like him because I don't like math. I like my Psychology and Pre-Biology Teachers (Psychology is what I have the homework for, but my teacher is nice, which I was glad about because VCE sounds kind of scary) and I also like my Pre-Physics teacher, even though I don't normally like men teachers. But he seems cool and the class is fun and I have someone I know in there, which is good because it has lots of math and I will feel less stupid asking them. But I also have computer science which is scary because I'm super bad at it and I had some work that they suggested we work on over the break but I'm not because I don't really know how to set it up. But this sort of counts if I like, lie to myself about it, plus I can't drop the class 'cause there's only two girls there and I like the other one and don't wanta 'abandon' her or whatever, plus my teacher for it is cool and I don't want to look like an idiot by dropping the class. I mean I would like to do Media if I do drop it but I don't wanna drop it. Plus they didn't take me out the Teams for Media so If I have time I can look at that work too, which I did some of for before, but it was just stuff I did in English in 2023, which was actually fun but I did bad at it, but I liked it, even though I didn't like the movie we did because it was boring. Anyway bye, love you :)

Date	Mood	Entry
31/01/24	tired	I have homework due tomorrow that I haven't finished yet. It's only a couple questions, six questions, but every time I look at them I get upset and look away. Three people have commented on a story I posted to Ao3, all nice things which surprised me. I'm very tired all the time still, because I have a little to do but I don't do it, I just sit at the computer all day. Everyone I know is like this, but I am not so bad. I at least would like to go out to places with my friends, but when I do so they are still on their phones. I do this a little bit if I am by myself, but they do it more often. It's mobile data that is a problem, I think. If it was just texting I would have no issue and people would not do it for so long, because you cannot know enough people to text for ever, but I hate when we go to a park just to sit there and watch TikToks, because it means I am left alone to swing. Swings I like a lot, I find them very fun, but I would not like to do it alone when there is no reason to. That makes me sound old, haha, but it is true for me. What I need to do is spend less time on technology as well, I know, so I can do more with my time, rather than reload Twitter. But it makes me feel bad to do art, or write, when there is work, but the computer does not, because it's nothing at all. Even now I will spend hours of a day on here, and still view it like this. I think I want to start limiting how much time I use my computer. I feel that I am determined to be lazy, even when I do not want to watch a Youtube video I will watch it just for the sake of watching things, when there is anything else to be done. Tomorrow I go back to school after summer holidays. I have not enjoyed them, and I did not see the friend I wanted to, but it is okay. I will enjoy things soon, I think. I watched the first three terminator movies over the holidays, and I like them. I need to continue watching the Sarah Connor Chronicles, because I liked that show, it is the one that made me want to see the movies, and I liked the character of Cameron. Also I need to straighten my hair for school, I think, so I will have to get up early. They're making our school times different this year, we are starting earlier, on some mornings it won't be any different but on some I will have to wake up earlier, plus extra time to straighten my hair, which is really early. Over the holidays I was going to go to church but I got lost, but I think I need to start going more often, at least on Sundays, but the one near me doesn't have confession on Sundays, only on Tuesdays, and it's at a time after my curfew, which is only 5pm. I also need to stop being sad about everything that will and won't happen, like not being American, which I am always wanting to do, I don't know why. I do know why sort of, it's because I watch too much American TV shows, and they all make it seem cool. Like where I live everything now is mostly just a fake version of American things, things used to be distinct sort of but now they're mostly boring. Maybe I wish I had friends I liked too, but Americans seem more online that we do, so it would still suck. I'd say I wanted to live in the '90s or something, but I'm lesbian and an American size 8 so I definitely don't. I mean people are still homophobic now but with uglier jeans so maybe I do, but it doesn't matter anyway. I don't wish I was an adult because I don't mind school. I mind lots of people in it, but I think lots are nice too, so it's not all bad. I am kind of sad I never got a chance to try cheerleading, though. Love you, ♡

Date	Mood	Entry
01/02/24	bored	We just got our new school laptops today in homeroom - that's what I'm in right now, because we got an extended one since the year sevens are in orientation. They don't suck total ass but I like the old ones more, so I'm glad I get to keep that one. This one is weird. The keys are very smooth and rubbery feeling, and have very big text, which I hate because it's hard to read, and the fans are blowing out crazy hot air even though my laptop has been on for like, two whole minutes. I finished most of my homework for psych last night except one question I didn't really understand 'cause I couldn't tell what it was asking. I hate apply your understanding questions, but I think I did alright on the rest, even though I probably should have spent more time on them. Extended homeroom sucks because it means we miss out on first period, and I was going to have biology first period, which is one of my favorite classes. I'm still sad I don't get to take legal anymore next semester, unless I totally fail psych and have to drop it. Maybe i should swap VCD out for political law, I mean even though I'd have no 'fun' subjects then, it's a more important one, and one that I like. Instead now I have maths first period, which ew. But I also have to be more focused on maths this year and the next few so that I can get better at it, since I've been getting worse even though I know it's an important subject. But I have lots of friends in maths this year, which I think will kind of promote my work ethics or whatever, since I won't want to look super stupid in front of the, plus one of them is someone I know is good at schoolwork, not like I'm gonna copy off her or whatever but like if I won't be able to mess around with her then I probably won't mess around at all. But what I do like about this laptop is that the default browser is Bing, which is better than Chrome, and also I can make it pink. :-) Love you, see you later. Okay, in psych now and the teacher has just come in. Will update after school, probably, since I am being picked up longer after school ends due to classes ending earlier

Date

Mood

Entry

01/02/24

bored

We just got our new school laptops today in homeroom - that's what I'm in right now, because we got an extended one since the year sevens are in orientation. They don't suck total ass but I like the old ones more, so I'm glad I get to keep that one. This one is weird. The keys are very smooth and rubbery feeling, and have very big text, which I hate because it's hard to read, and the fans are blowing out crazy hot air even though my laptop has been on for like, two whole minutes. I finished most of my homework for psych last night except one question I didn't really understand 'cause I couldn't tell what it was asking. I hate apply your understanding questions, but I think I did alright on the rest, even though I probably should have spent more time on them. Extended homeroom sucks because it means we miss out on first period, and I was going to have biology first period, which is one of my favorite classes. I'm still sad I don't get to take legal anymore next semester, unless I totally fail psych and have to drop it. Maybe i should swap VCD out for political law, I mean even though I'd have no 'fun' subjects then, it's a more important one, and one that I like. Instead now I have maths first period, which ew. But I also have to be more focused on maths this year and the next few so that I can get better at it, since I've been getting worse even though I know it's an important subject. But I have lots of friends in maths this year, which I think will kind of promote my work ethics or whatever, since I won't want to look super stupid in front of the, plus one of them is someone I know is good at schoolwork, not like I'm gonna copy off her or whatever but like if I won't be able to mess around with her then I probably won't mess around at all. But what I do like about this laptop is that the default browser is Bing, which is better than Chrome, and also I can make it pink. :-) Love you, see you later.

Okay, in psych now and the teacher has just come in. Will update after school, probably, since I am being picked up longer after school ends due to classes ending earlier

Date	Mood	Entry
05/02/24	sad	Right now I am sitting in biology doing the work I did in year seven biology, when I went to a good school, and I am thinking of killing myself. We don't have the substitute teacher who I hate though, yay :-). Yesterday was my friends birthday, so I sent them the video I drew them and talked to them a bit, which made me happy. I can't log into Discord on this computer because I logged in and it sent me a 'login from a new location' message which I can't get because I'm only logged into this computer with one E-Mail address, which was not the one I have attached to my Discord, so I can't get into it until I get home. I still have no biology teacher. I hate this school so much, but it's fine. I'm enjoying my VCE class, and my physics. Talk to you later maybe, love you.

Date	Mood	Entry
09/02/24	tired	I am in maths right now. I'm so tired all the time this week because there is more to do than there are hours to do it in. I will begin editing a first chapter of a new fanfiction today, for BiO. I do worry about consistently updating because of how tired I am but I enjoy writing it more than most things so I am happy. On Saturday morning I have tennis but I don't have the contests any more which is good because I am tired of being beaten by children and nearly passing out. I don't like standing out in the sun but I have a hat and sunglasses now. Also I am starting dance, on Mondays, and am trying to further reduce screentime by actually participating in class. Yes that means I shouldn't be on here right now but that's OK I will work in a minute, and I have the textbook to do work at home if I need. Our biology test was moved to next week which I am happy for because I can revise on the weekend, but I have biology tomorrow morning and am worried we will be surprised with the test then, which we should not be but I worry any way. I can't print anything with the school printers yet because they are new ones and don't work, which I thought initially was a problem with my new school laptop but it is an issue for the people who did not have to get new laptops as well, so I don't think so. OneDrive keeps linking the old laptop with a new one so I have a bunch of shortcuts to BtVS fanvideos on my desktop of my new laptop that don't even work, because I don't have the file downloaded on this laptop. Which I guess is less bad than if it wasn't broken and someone looked while I was gone, which would be very embarassing, but it's still annoying. I asked my Computer Science teacher how to get rid of it and the menu he showed me to remove it didn't even have OneDrive listed, and I was worried to mess around in there in case I accidentally deleted my computer. I also am getting back into art, and things are looking well enough. Love you.

Date	Mood	Entry
21/02/24	happy	I still don't have a biology teacher, but we had our test the other day and I think I did alright. We had to draw a diagram of diffusion that I didn't even bother with 'cause I didn't study it, but the other stuff seemed alright. We have a physics test next week that I'm totally going to fail, though. Right now I'm in English which is really boring because we're doing text analysis, but it's of persuasive texts which means we have to read a boring news article about some guy who got his house broken into. It's my birthday soon on March 13 and I might do something with my friends. I made a page on my site for cool blinkies I find, mostly on SpaceHey, and I uploaded the first page of Morning Star.

Date	Mood	Entry
01/03/24	normal	Only six people in class passed the test because we had no teacher so we got a chance to do a makeup where we basically just rewrote the teachers notes. I got a 42 and had to get a 50 to pass, but I don't think I answered enough to get a fifty. I failed out of retardedness but one chick failed because our teacher was like erm ackshually you should have written it like this if you were in year twelve because she has to like, flex that she's so cool and teaches VCE. Like she legit marked her down one and gave her a note on the test over something we literally haven't done. I handed out invitations to my birthday party today and yesterday. I have all of them handed out except for one I didn't hand out because the girl I wanted to give it to hasn't been at school for three days so I think she's sick or something.

Date	Mood	Entry
01/03/24	normal	Liking minor characters is so difficult like I'm trying to find useful pages about their actor and then suddenly I'm reading about Argentinian womens boxing. I'm in math class right now and it's shit so I guess the entertainment is good but like damn.

Date	Mood	Entry
13/03/24	annoyed	Today's my birthday :-) I'm having some people over to my house on Saturday, so far five people have confirmed they're coming, and I'm excited. I uninvited one person because even though we've been friends ten years she's getting to be more of an asshole as she gets older instead of less of one, and even though I like her sometimes I'm tired of everything being about her every time we do anything as a group, which is why I don't want her there. I'm thinking of getting Uno cards for the party since that's what we normally do at school, and I'll also set up MarioKart on the TV. We're doing a sort of lunch thing. I don't know what kind of cake I'm going to get, but I think Coles mud cake probably. I'm in English right now, finishing the assessment task booklet, I mean I'm not finishing it because I'm on here on my laptop, but we are finishing it like in class right now. I hate English so much, the class sucks. Tonight we are going to the mall near me so I can pick out a skipping rope for my mom to buy me for my gift.

Date	Mood	Entry
22/03/24	happy	I'm learning how to play chess. At the moment chess.com has this fun murder mystery thing going on, with different levelled bots you have to beat to get the clues. So far I beat the first one and have just drawn with the second one. It's very fun! I haven't played since I was like seven, so it's cool to see. I like their feature where you can see what the move you made is called, because then I learn what I can do next by googling the move. I can only do that against bots, because against a person it would be time wasting and also rude, but it's still cool.

Date	Mood	Entry
11/04/24	bit stressed	Not to be like, dismissive to people's hobbies due to their age, but some of you are simply to old to be acting like this. Fortunately, I am not. Lately I've been thinking of killing myself, but I've decided to start fighting people instead. My psychology class has started using a terrible site I hate, but I have the textbook, so it's fine. I've started snafuing as a means of vagueposting again. Much love.

Date	Mood	Entry
01/05/24	happy, very	My favorite FanFiction author on Archive of Our Own gifted me a story for my birthday, about Butch and Sundance :-) I didn't get to see it until now because I've been logged out of my reading account, so I wouldn't be so distracted as I went into the new year. The story is so sweet, a reincarnation one, you can read it here. I have a psychology test next week, which I am nervous for because I did poorly on the practice test, but I think if I study my material I can at least pass, because you only have to get a 40% to pass. On my last test I got a 54%, and it was my first ever SAC test, so I was very nervous. I think somebody failed, so I was very grateful I didn't. This time I think I might, but I'm trying to be positive, and also to study, which last time I didn't. What I struggle most with is describing how a person makes a concious movement, because a question will be six or so marks and I will worry about trying to describe what they are thinking as a person, rather than as a collection of nervous systems.

Date	Mood	Entry
21/05/2024	normal	Lately I've been doing very well, not that I've been doing good but I haven't been doing bad, like everything is peaceful for a while

Date	Mood	Entry
15/08/2024	tired	I have an English test 4th period today that I'm going to fail in such new and creative ways they will study it. Math has been so boring at the moment that I've started developing secret codes again, so expect terminal overuse of superscript in future. I'm onto the 8th season of the X-Files now, and everyone said it sucked but I like it well enough. Monica is cool but I don't like Doggett, so I guess that was true. The baby is cute :-) I think I'm on episode 20 or so. I heard Reyes is in the new series as well, from 2018, so I'll probably watch that too. They've got it on DVD at the shops but it's like 200 dollars or something, understandably I guess but means I won't get it. I've been watching it on SBS at the moment but I'll probably try get it somewhere else. I'm also starting Angel, because I've not watched it as a series yet. I always watch the first episode and then get bored because it's just a bunch of guys but it gets fine after a couple episodes, but then I feel like I should probably watch the first ones as well, so I'm just gonna do a full series watch this time. I also still haven't watched Buffy season seven because I'm always tired as soon as I go to bed at the moment but I'll get around to it. I've got some new DVDs, of Serenity, the X-Files movie, and Thelma & Louise. The first two were only ten dollars each and Thelma & Louise was only 7! which was crazy because most DVDs are so expensive now, like at least 15 dollars. They have Dollhouse, both seasons, on DVD for 45ish dollars as well, which I think I should save up to get because I really like it and it's one that's difficult to watch. Also I finally got around to watching Terminator 3 because I borrowed it from the library and it wasn't that bad like everyone said. I mean it wasn't good but I kind of liked it, though I don't think it was a good Terminator movie I think it was a decent movie in general. Also I'm in the middle of watching Buffalo '66, and I got + saw Amy Acker's Christmas movie which was just as embarassing to watch as everyone said but it was nice and I liked it. I'm still not done watching TtSCC because, well I don't have a good reason I just haven't. But it's fine I'll get around to it. I really wanted to get Person of Interest on DVD but it's like nearly impossible to find, so I didn't. I'm up to season 3 of that show but I've been spoiled for it so bad I've given up trying to avoid plot-points. I mean I'm still avoiding them but that's because they make me sad, not because I don't know them yet. I'll talk more later today and it will probably also be about DVDs, but that's okay. I can't talk at break because I'm playing chess with someone, so I guess I'll also end up talking about how bad I did in English. I'll explain what I have to write about when I get back, because I'm still in psychology at the moment XD Okay I'm back! It's just now 4PM, and I don't think I did so badly on English, I don't think I did well but I don't think it was totally awful. I also had my math test like, last week, and we still haven't got our results back, which might not seem like long but we usually do. It's my math teacher this year, he gives back results slow, but I don't think I did too badly on that either, like I think I got a pass at least.

Date	Mood	Entry
30/08/2024	normal	Today I'm sleeping over at a friend's house, it's nice. I got a 68% on my psychology test which is decent, my English results still are not out but my teacher said everyone in our class did very badly, so I don't have high hopes. I got a 41% on my religion test, which is a pass but just barely, but it's religion class so whatever, not the end of the world. Today I watched Barbie Swan Lake + Cruel Intentions, they were both good, tomorrow I might go out somewhere but I don't know yet

Date	Mood	Entry
31/08/2024	tired	Sleep over was good. Today we went to the park and we played downball, and now I'm home and am having dinner soon. I am very tired because I went to sleep late, so not much updates today.

Date	Mood	Entry
03/10/2024	tired	It's the school holidays and I'm a bit bored. I had to stay home by myself for a couple of days after my mum hit her head and went to hospital. She's okay. I got some new clothes and I got the first two seasons of Angel on DVD and they were only 50c a box which is $2 total for the four boxes that make up the first two seasons which I was really pleased with. I also got two new pairs of shoes one is sandals because I don't have any before they're white and have kind of silly looking plastic 'crystals' but I like them and I think they go well with one dress I got which is kind of '60s style in a way, like its got elbow length sleeves and a neckline with those triangle foldy bits with tassles on, and its pretty short, like Star Trek womens uniform length I guess. It makes it kind of hard to sit with my legs crossed but I don't mind because it's real pretty, has that pattern on thats like peacock feathers along the bottom in a white and the same pattern bigger and colourful on the body and sleeves, and between them is some other patterns like diamonds and flowers and stuff. It's nice I can take a picture actually.

		They're a bit compressed for the sake of space, on my site and on the page, sorry! But you can see the pattern clear enough.

Date	Mood	Entry
08/10/2024	tired	I'm back at school now and it's good. The site is at nearly 8,000 views, which is super cool ^^ everything is going well. My sleep schedule is wack because of daylight savings, though.

Date	Mood	Entry
20/10/2024	good	Made a little notebook :-)

		It's like 2 levels smaller than a piece of printer paper I forget how they go also I drew a little picture of Scully for the back which looks weird because it was difficult to draw because it's the size of my thumb but Whatever it's cool I have a little notebook now.

Date	Mood	Entry
06/11/2024	hot	It was like, 35 degrees today and I think I'm melting. I've got my first exam on Friday and the rest are next week and I think a few in the week after, and it looks like Americans are voting in this idiot again. He was born in like the 1940s or something so hopefully he dies or something. Don't normally care for American politics because they don't affect me but best wishes to US and international citizens over the next day.